She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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