Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
