so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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