GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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