Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
