I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
i need some magic done to my vagina
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
