Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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