My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
