I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
