My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
