You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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