This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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