3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
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