I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
