Please, let me fuck your mom
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
