And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
