I met the friendliest cop last night
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
