made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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