i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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