Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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