he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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