I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
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