This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize