I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
