It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Randomize
