Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize