She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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