a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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