One girl and one boy is just not enough.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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