Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
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