a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Randomize
