nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize