I accidentally burped into my bong.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
