i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
you will always have a special place in my vag
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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