so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Randomize
