haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
