Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
