we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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