P.S. I can't hear my feet
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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