At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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