Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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