I can tuck mytits in my pants
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
