he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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