its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
