oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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