I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
