Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
