so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
