We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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