Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
