Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
