Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Someone shit on the floor
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
