I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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