guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
