It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
