your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
