smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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