I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
