The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
i've created a new STD.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
