Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
