So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
