6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
