Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i just had sex bonerless
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
i drank out of a bidet.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Last time i carry you out of a forest
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
