wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Come see our sink grown plant.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
