I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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