I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
