chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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