it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
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