Soap is not a condiment
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize