his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
