if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Randomize
