Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I could make wine with my vomit
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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