Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
