He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
