It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
