I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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