I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
