Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
The beer is more important than you right now.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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