Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
