Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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