I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
