I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
