so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
