Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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