Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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