i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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